OurTreeofHope letter (download the pdf)
In early April of 2010, through a crazy appendicitis diagnosis, it was found that my body had been “taken over” by endometriosis. Not exactly what we were expecting!
After many months with our fertility specialist, I was diagnosed with Premature Ovarian Failure and Clint with Male Factor Infertility. Our hopes for created a new life together were quickly demolished. Together we had comfort in knowing that God must have something very special in line for us.
Being a step-mom and a foster mom, my heart has experienced what is really means to love. That love doesn’t know a blood type, or DNA. Family is what you make it. I discovered that in a whole new way.
One day, after our fostering journey had ended, I was alone in my car driving. Suddenly I was overcome with this feeling, this noise of some sort. Little did I know that it was God…speaking to ME…but what He had to say was unacceptable to me. My God, the God that I know and love, and that knows my hearts desires to be a mother, was telling me that I would never be able to have children. What? Yes, that’s right. It was the one and only time in my 31 years of being alive that I have ever been so overcome by God’s word. It was so plain, so clear. Me? Never to be a Mom? No way. That just couldn’t be what I heard. After confiding in a few friends about it, I (along with them) quickly brushed it aside as just the “aftermath” of feelings since our foster son had recently left our home.
Fast forward a year and a half….there we were, with every door closed, with every doctors appointment left in tears, with all ideas of becoming a mother by way of Clint and I was never to be. It was a surreal moment. One that still makes me shake my head in “awe”! God WAS speaking to me, he WAS telling me to start thinking outside the box. He WAS telling me that I wouldn’t bare children of my own, but that it didn’t mean I wouldn’t be a mother.
I knew this was it. It was my “AH-HA” moment. One that has left me with more clarity then I have ever experienced in my life.
We were being called to adopt! That was it! That was what God was saying all those months ago!
Since our “Ah-Ha” moment we have been shown time and time again that this is the path we are supposed to be on. The very next week at church we talked about the four phases of Chazown (a dream, revelation, or vision). The first was the Spirit’s Prompting….being pulled toward something out of your comfort zone (being pulled to adopt, and to adopt out of our race…and out of the country?!). The second was Certain Uncertainty….Leave the comfort of the “known” and take a step of faith (there was definite uncertainty). Third was Predictable Resistance….when you hear from God, all hell breaks loose. The spiritual enemy will try and talk you out of it (many have said, “Why adopt?” or “Just keep trying” or “Maybe just get a second opinion”) The Fourth was Uncommon Clarity…This is my “somewhere on purpose”.
“However, I consider my life worth nothing to me, if only I may finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus Christ has given me- the task of testifying to the gospel of God’s grace.” Acts 20:24
Wow…now if that wasn’t a church sermon we were supposed to hear, then I don’t know what is!
We are so excited and truly blessed to be embarking on such a journey as this. We know that God will bless our mission. After all, it was from Him.