Thursday, January 5, 2012

It's been a while.....Part 1

I know, it has been like 2 months since I last posted. Partly because I didn't know what to say and partly because I was afraid to say it. Silly? Yes.

Back in November we were given some updated wait times for the Congo. We were now being told that the wait from referral (remember, we still didn't have a referral and were at #5 for a month) until travel was looking more like 12months or longer! That's a whole year AFTER seeing your precious babies faces until you go pick them up. We were sad about the news and felt that waiting another year (or more) wasn't for our family.
After talking with our agency (more than once) about their domestic program, and learning that there is a great need for families who are open to adopt outside their race.... we knew this was it.

After some paperwork updates and a little shuffle...we were now in the domestic program with One World.
We were happy to stay with our same agency because we really liked working with them and I felt comfortable and confident in the service they had already provided to us.

We had to make a family profile (talk about intimidating) and write a birthmom letter (even more intimidating) and then wait.....
and pray.....
and wait some more.

Many times I have talked about BOLD prayer on my blog. BOLDLY believing that God will move mountains in our favor. BOLDLY believing that this is EXactly what God wants for our family. BOLDLY believing that we will have a baby by adoption and that we will also have an amazing testimony to what God has done for us.
Many times I have stepped out in faith and said, "ok, I am BOLDLY praying that we receive our referral by the end of September." or "Ok, I know September wasn't in God's i'm BOLDLY stepping out in faith and saying October."
I never gave up on my BOLD praying. Even when they weren't answered. I had FAITH that this is what God wants for us.
Many times I sat in tears and felt the devil trying to get me down. He tried to tell us that maybe adoption wasn't what God wanted. Maybe you aren't even supposed to be a Mom at all. The devil tried, and tried, and tried. Sometimes I had weak moments and would "give in" to the pity party and think that this was never going to happen. Thankfully I have amazing sisters in Christ that stood by me and lifted me up....and reminded me of God's amazing faithfulness and love for me and for Clint.
So..... my BOLD prayer became that I would know "who" my baby is by Christmas. Either I would see their faces (Congo) or I would know something about a potential match with a birthmom. Just SOMETHING.

My faith stayed strong... through every "dangling carrot" moment, through each birthmom rejection....I had faith in God. Faith that he has known since the beginning of time...who my baby is and how we would become a family.
My anthem became the song, "God is Able" by Hillsong (i listen to it as I type this now). The words spoke straight to my heart...

"God is ABLE, He will never fail.
Greater than all we see,
Greater than all we ask...
He has done great things.

Lifted up, He defeated the grave.
Raised to Life...Our God is Able!
In His name, we overcome... for the Lord, our God, is Able"

That song was on constant repeat on my ipod. I had it on in my car, in my office...everywhere I could. I knew God was able... I knew He would never fail us.
So I continued to BOLDLY pray....."Lord, please, by Christmas"...

On Thursday night (December 22nd) we went to the Christmas service at church ( There weren't many people (because our church does a bunch of services for Christmas)... so we were able to sit up close. Next to our friends, Jeff and Kerri....and right up close to the band.
I felt like the wind was starting to die down in my I was moving closer and closer to Christmas, and further and further from my BOLD prayer.
God knew this.....
The last song we sang before sitting down was, "God is Able". I looked at my friend Kerri with tears in my eyes and said, "I love this song".

While I sang, I felt like God was renewing my hope. As tears rolled down my cheek, I felt like it was my cry out to the Lord.
"Lord, I KNOW you are able.....I KNOW you are ALMIGHTY God....."

The song ended and I wiped my tears away.

The next day was Friday, December 23rd....
(to be continued....)


  1. Oh you cannot end it like this Kathleen!!!!! :)

  2. kathleen, you have been on my mind at times, knowing that you were still waiting and how hard is must have been. What a beautiful story already, i also cannot wait to hear the end!!! ;)